just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
