he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
