yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
