I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
