I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
