There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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