i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
