google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
