Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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