I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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