I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
