watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
