Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
