I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Even my vagina gasped.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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