I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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