One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize