Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
