If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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