I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
