Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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