I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
this is an emotional support booty call
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