I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
