Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
