Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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