I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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