I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
