Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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