i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
