We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
