first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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