You smell like a Billy Joel song
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
