I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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