it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
