I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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