guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
