For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
