bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
