I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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