Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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