i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
