At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
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SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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