I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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