just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
