I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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