it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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