After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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