I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
