Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
