Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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