you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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