You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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