You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
