i was born a porn star she said
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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