i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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