a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
