Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
