I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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