these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
