If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
