I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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