I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
