he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
