some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
