you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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