Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
