I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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