Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
