thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
