I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize