I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
