I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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