and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
