he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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