So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize