im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
