Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
