My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
