i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize