she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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